When It’s Hard to Let Go of Bitterness
Maybe there is a scenario replaying over and over in your mind like a record player on repeat. Someone has said something to you or hurt you in some way and you just can’t seem to let it go. Days go by, weeks go by, and eventually years go by and you are still dwelling on that one particular incident where you felt that you were treated unfairly. Resentment builds overtime towards the person that wronged you and bitterness begins to root itself inside of your heart.
As women of all different ages, I believe we are really good at holding on to things. If someone mistreats us or hurts us, we can hold a grudge against them for a while. My husband knows better than anyone, that if I feel mistreated, I will go into “shut down” mode. When we feel we have been treated unfairly, some of us may resort to shutting down and not engaging in our emotions. Some of us lash out in anger. And some of us hoard a deep emotion in our heart called bitterness which stems from some hurt we have felt.
Bitterness can leave us feeling helpless and alone. There is a quote I’ve read that states that when we are bitter, we are clinging to negative experiences that we have walked through. It sounds absolutely miserable to cling to something for so long that has caused us pain. It’s like walking around with this weighted ball and chain attached to our legs that we can’t remove.
Some of you feel bitterness towards someone right now, and are holding a grudge towards them. Maybe you are reminded of the hurt you felt over and over again when you see them. Maybe your relationship with them has been damaged and you feel like it will never be the same again. Ephesians 4:31-32 says, “Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God forgave you.”
Sure, it’s easier said than done. As daughters of the King, He is telling us to let go of any anger, hatred, or resentment we feel torwards another person. God forgave us, so we must also forgive. It doesn’t mean that pain won’t still be there, but what we do find through forgiveness is so much freedom. You’ve probably heard the phrase, “Time heals all wounds,” and I recently heard a pastor rebuttle that statement as false. In fact, this pastor stated that “Bitterness invites all wounds to stay open and fester.” I believe that to be true through my own personal experience of dealing with bitterness from my past. Bitterness begins to fester and eat at you from the inside out until you are miserable and feel alone. The enemy loves for us to be in this place of solitude and bitterness. Ephesians 4:26-27 says, “Be angry and do not sin. Do not let the sun go down on your anger, and give no opportunity to the devil.” Paul is telling us that anger is not necessarily wrong. It is acceptable for christians to get angry sometimes if it’s considered “Righteous Indignation,” or something that would anger God himself. We see in Matthew 21 that Jesus was angry because they were turning God’s holy temple into a marketplace to sell goods. We know that Jesus was perfect and never sinned. Being angry is not a sin, but what we do with our anger can lead to sin. We are not to give opportunity to the devil by letting the sun go down on our anger, meaning we do not need to let our emotions and anger fester inside of us. That’s where the enemy wants us.
I think back to the story of Cain and Abel in Genesis 4. Cain resented his brother because he found favor in God’s eyes, therefore resorting to the murder of his brother Abel. I’m assuming Cain felt jealousy and anger towards his brother, but something rooted deeper inside his heart to cause him to want to kill his own flesh and blood. Hebrews 12:15 tells us, “See to it that no one fails to obtain the grace of God and that no root of bitterness springs up and causes trouble, and by it many become defiled.” When I hear the word “root” I think of a tree rooted in the ground. A root is the anchorage of the tree which absorbs all of the water and minerals which help give the tree life. If we let bitterness root within our hearts, it will begin to take over our life and our emotions which can cause us great damage.
If anyone has the right to feel anger or bitterness, it’s God. We are the ones who crucified Him to His death on the cross. We are the ones that mistreated Him unfairly and yet there is absolutely nothing we can do to make up for our actions. Yet, God still chose to love us and give His life for us while we were still sinners. Look back in Ephesians 4:32, “Forgiving one another, as God forgave you.” The key word here is forgiveness. No it’s not easy to forgive, and God knows that we struggle with forgiving others. We have to rely on Him to help us. It’s not in our power but His. You see, forgiveness is the opposite of bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and slander, and God is telling us to let go of all of that. How much more freeing does it sound to give all of those things to Him and walk away without all of that weight on our shoulders?
As followers of Christ, we must forgive those that have wronged us, and let go of any hatred, ugly thoughts, resentment, and bitterness. Colossians 3:13 tells us: To bear with one another and if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you must also forgive. Sister, give away what Christ freely gave you: forgiveness.