When Words Hurt
Maybe you’ve heard the saying, “Sticks and stones may break my bones but words may never hurt me.” As fun as that phrase is to say, it couldn’t be further from the truth. I remember when I was a child, about the age of five or six, I was teased by these two boys at school for wearing dresses everyday. Picture the two bullies, Butch & Woim, off of the 1994 version of The Little Rascals. (I’m almost positive one of them wore a black leather jacket on the playground.) When I would ride the seesaw or teeter-totter during recess, my dress would sort of “pop up” when my side of the seesaw descended, therefore earning me the nickname, “pop up girl.” I can’t remember the boys names or how old they were, but I do remember the hurtful comments they made to me all of those years ago. Why? Because words hurt. Words stick with us even when we try our hardest to forget them. Words are like weapons, and how we choose to use our words can either hurt others, or build others up.
As women, we are good at using our words to gossip. I think of the famous quote by Clairee Belcher from Steel Magnolias, “If you don’t have anything nice to say come sit by me.” We laugh and joke about it but the reality is, we are doing much harm when we speak negatively about someone. Proverbs 16:28 tells us, “A perverse person stirs up conflict, and a gossip separates close friends.” All gossiping does is spread stories that have not yet claimed to be true for our own pleasure because it gives us something to do. If we aren’t happy, gossiping can be used as a tool to put someone else down to make us feel better about ourselves. The enemy loves when we gossip because it ruins relationships, it spreads lies, and it hurts our sisters and creates a false perception about the one being gossiped about.
We also use words to hurt the people that we love the most. I’ve used my words against my husband when I have been angry or upset. I’ve said things to my children out of my frustration that I can’t take back. I love my husband and kids more than they can imagine, but when I let my anger and frustration get the best of me, I can slip up and make hurtful comments. Words are compared to weapons because we use them as tools to attack and put others down. Even children early on know how to use words to hurt one another. I have a four year old and six year old at home that I have to get on too for calling each other names. They already know how to throw hurtful words out to revile the other.
If you look in James 3, he talks about taming the tongue. In vv. 5-6, James compares our tongues to a small fire that ends up causing great damage. I have never experienced a house fire, and I pray that I never have too, but I have seen the lasting damage that house fires can do and it is horrifying. Our words are compared to the destruction of a fire and can leave damaging effects in people’s lives. As you read this, you may can recall the exact words that were spoken over you that have caused great pain and harm in your life. Words hurt.
However, just as words can be used for harm, they can also be used to encourage and give life. In Ephesians 4:29, Paul tell us, “Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.” Instead of slandering our sisters, we need to speak life over one another. Encouragement is so important in the body of Christ. You know how good it feels to receive a word of encouragement, but it’s so important to also give a word of encouragement. If you see a mom struggling, give her that extra push of encouragement that she needs. If you know a friend is burdened in some way, reach out to her. Write a letter of encouragement. Speak life and truth over your spouse and over your kids. Your words of encouragement could be exactly what someone needs today.
There is this terrifying verse in Matthew 12:36. Jesus says, “I tell you on the day of judgment people will give account for every careless word they speak, for by your words you will be justified, and by your words you will be condemned.” Do you need to do a double take like I did and read that again? Yes, it says every careless word will be accounted for. I can’t begin to fathom how many words that will be for me. It’s scary to think about. Right before Jesus utters these words He says this in vv.34-35, “You brood of vipers! How can you speak good, when you are evil? For out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks. The good person out of his good treasure brings forth good, and the evil person out of his evil treasure brings forth evil.” Here is what Jesus is saying, our words reveal our hearts. What proceeds from our mouths shows the condition of our hearts. Sister, this is why we need the rescuing grace of Jesus. It is only through His grace that our hearts and words can be changed. It is only through His grace that we can be healed from words that have been spoken over us.
So as daughters of the King, I want to encourage us to examine and guard our hearts. To be quick to listen, and slow to speak. To call out to Jesus for grace when you have the urge to gossip, when someone cuts you off the road, when your spouse doesn’t respond in the way you’d hoped, or when that co-worker pushes your last button. To use our words to encourage and give life to those around us. May our words be a reflection of God’s rescuing grace in us.
“Therefore encourage one another and build one another up, just as you are doing. -1 Thessalonians 5:11